Don't you just hate yourself sometimes?
We have all done things which we are not proud of. I'm the first to admit that.
Last weekend was Adams birthday. He was having a party and Cherrie and I were already to go. I had decided that yeah I wanted to drink, I don't drink very much, well I should say often because when I do I drink alot. As soon as we got to the party I started drinking, nothing to strong just lollie water as some call it. Before to long I had had six drinks, and was feeling pretty good. Cherrie and I had to leave the party because we had another to go too. We headed off and were on our way.
The other party was Janna's. She is a girl we went to school with and it was her 21st. I haven't seen much of her lately at all. She is busy with her boyfriend and doesn't really have to time for me anymore. But we were going anyway, after all it was her birthday. We got there late, which I don't think she was to impressed with, not that she came out and said anything but you know when you can just tell.
There wasn't that many people there, but I found some of our school friends and sat with them. We talked for a while then Cherrie said she was going to the bar, then I wasn't far behind. The time just seemed to get away, Before I knew it we were leaving again, by this time I had jumped from six drinks to another five wines and two more lollie drinks. I was on top of the world...
We were on our way out to the night club, and meeting Adam, Betty and Jesse on our way. By the time we got to them I was really bad,so drunk its not funny. All I wanted to do was go home. Adam gave me the keys to his place and told me to catch a taxi, but I felt that I was able to walk home, so I did.
I was on my way home bearly able to keep my eyes open, but made it safely. My only trouble after this point was that I couldn't see the keys in order too get them in the hole. I swear I tried for ages. I couldn't find the right key so i gave up and just waited on the steps for the others to come home.
It didn't feel like much time had passed when they did get home to finally let me in.
I was so buggered that I nearly passed out on the lounge room floor. Then for some reason my car had to be moved, Im still not sure why but they insisted that it be moved. Jesse has his licence and he said he would move it, the only problem is that I don't like people other then me driving my car. Which most people know already. Adam asked me "what don't you trust him?" and without even thinking I said "no". I think he was really upset by it, he was really quite after it and I think I hurt this feelings by it. The only thing is I didn't mean that I don't trust him at all, just not with my car.
Maybe it isn't something I should beat myself up on. But there is this little catch... I like Jesse. I like him a lot, but I know that we wouldn't be that good together, or as a couple at least, because we are to different. But none the less I don't want to hurt his feelings. And even thinking that I did hurt him in anyway I really hate myself for it.
He means to much to me for that...